were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.