2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
