weddingsv make me drug and hornr
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
