Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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