I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
