u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
