great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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