One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
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She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
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Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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