Me too!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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