Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
