i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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