I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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