she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
