just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
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Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
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Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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