I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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