why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
