dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
