I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
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What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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