I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
