i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
