the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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