I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
