Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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