we made out on top of his cat.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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