Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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