I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
