don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
