So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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