it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
