You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
