I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
