I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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