Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
