Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
