We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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