First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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