Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
As shirtless as possible
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
how does that bad decision feel?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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