I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
