She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
