I didn't shave. On purpose
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
