ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
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Why is your signature on my underwear?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
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The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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