My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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