After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
