someone get that fucking seahorse.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
