Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize