seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
