I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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