I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
