He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
