No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.