I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
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I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
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Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.