wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
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He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
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Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on