I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.