he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia