So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
