while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
