i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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