hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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