toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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