no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
